Sailing Day

Today is the day we sail. After spending the last week and a half double bleaching everything in sight in the hospital and packing and tying everything down we are ready to go.

Walking along the hospital corridors feels a little strange now, no patients around, no singing or dancing or children running along the corridors or any general noise, just silence. Its a surreal feeling seeing everything packed up and not having patients there.

My job during the sail is to scan all of the patients notes, all 10 months worth. Thankfully Im not doing this alone and alot of them have already been scanned. Once they have all been scanned onto the computer they are then incinerated. I think it may become a little mundane after a while but in some respects its kind of nice having a job that I dont have to think to much about and I think it also might be kinda cool to come across patients files that I remember looking after and just be able to send up a little prayer for them.

Because we are leaving today my heart feels a little heavy, heavy for selfish reasons tho because Im leaving behind so many people that have really touched me while I have been here, friendships that I have made and so many thousands of patients that have passed thru the hospital that have left an impression on me. I feel like Im leaving a piece of myself behind in Benin.

Over 6000 operations were performed onboard over the last 10 months and Im so excited, grateful and a little proud to have been apart of that, so many lives have been transformed because of the work that has been done here.

So on we sail to Tenerife. After 10 days of sailing I will spend 2 days in Tenerife before heading back to England to spend a few weeks and christmas with family there and then heading back home to NZ on the 12th of Jan! I must say its been a long but certainly awesome 6 and a half months with lots of ups and downs but I would give anything to do it all over again.

Oh Africa, the end of the outreach

So all the surgeries for the year have finished and we have started to pack up some of the wards in preparation for the sail. We still have one ward open until the end of next week and any patients we have remaining will be sent to local hospitals until they are able to be sent home. We still have two VVF ladies in the ward both who had wounds that broke down post their surgeries but they are doing alot better now altho they will both probably have to be sent to a local hospital. My sweet friend Agath was sent home still leaking, it breaks my heart that we were unable to send her home dry this time. She has been reffered to Togo so I can only hope and pray that she becomes healed while she is there.

Im not sure how I feel about the outreach coming to an end because I have this overwhelming sense that my work here is not done. I go out off the ship and into town and have an aching in my heart that I just cant leave here. I recently came across a website that was talking about how they need Africa more than Africa needs them the following is an excerpt from it and it explains exactly how I feel about being here with the words that I was unable to find.

When I think of Africa, the following images immediately come to mind: Starvation. AIDS. Child soldiers. Genocide. Sex slaves. Orphans. From there, my thoughts naturally turn to how I can help, how I can make a difference. "I am needed here," I think. "They have so little, and I have so much." It's true, there are great tragedies playing out in Africa everyday. There is often a level of suffering here that is unimaginable until you have seen it, and even then it is difficult to believe. But what is even harder is reconciling the challenges that many Africans face with the joy I see in those same people. It's a joy that comes from somewhere I cannot fathom, not within the framework that has been my life to this day.

The images spilling out of my television showed circumstances that could seemingly only equal misery, and I was fooled. I bought into the lie that circumstance defines happiness. The truth is, in Africa I find hearts full of victory, indomitable spirits. In places where despair should thrive, instead I find adults dancing and singing, and children playing soccer with a ball crafted of tied up trash. Instead of payback, I find grace. Here, weekend getaways are not options to provide relief from the pains of daily life. Relationships and faith provide joy. Love is sovereign.

My new reality… I know now that my joy should have no regard for my circumstances. I'm ashamed by my lack of faith, but at the very same moment I am excited by my new pursuit. I'm forced to redefine the meaning of having much or having little. I'm uneasy with the prospect of change and of letting go, but just the thought of freedom is liberating. I want what I have learned to trickle down from my head into my heart - I no longer want to need the "next thing" to have joy.

I'm not saying that Africa does not need our efforts. It absolutely does need our partnership. But for me, I've come to understand that I NEED AFRICA MORE THAN AFRICA NEEDS ME. Why? Because it is Africa that has taught me that possessions in my hands will never be as valuable as peace in my heart. I've learned that I don't need what I have and that I have what I need. These are just a few of this continent's many lessons. I came here to serve and yet I've found that I have so much to learn, and Africa, with all its need, has much to teach me.

If you want to read more then you can check out

https://www.mochaclub.org/i-need-africa

VVF Ladies Return!

The VVF ladies have returned and its making my heart smile! I love these ladies like nothing else. We had a screening day last week and saw over 30 ladies, some were ladies that we had sent home still leaking from earlier on in the outreach but many of them were new arrivals. It was bittersweet to see some of them return.

We have the space to perform 20 operations over two weeks, and Im sure its going to be an emotional roller coaster of highs and lows. Highs when they are able to go home dry and we can sing and dance for joy with them and lows when they leave here still leaking.

One patient I looked after when she was here earlier on in the outreach has returned, her name is Agath and she is only 21, she has lived with this fistula for nearly 6 years. She was 16 when she became pregnant to her then husband (he has since desserted her) leaving her alone and feeling rejected. She left here last time still leaking and has returned for us to have another attempt at repairing the hole in her bladder. I was so excited to see her again when she turned up at the screening, I walked into the ward and I heard this voice full of excitement say 'Beccy!' I ran over to her and gave her the biggest hug and told her that I was so happy to see her again and said that this time I pray that we will send you home dry. Sadly since her operation she has been leaking. It breaks my heart that we may end up sending her home again still leaking. She is only 21 and still has her whole life ahead of her. We have told her we will not give up but I know that she is heart broken too. For those of you who are praying please pray that Agath goes home dry this time.

The World Health Organization has estimated that approximately 2 million women worldwide have untreated VVF and that approximately 100,000 women develop VVF each year. What we do here on the ship is literally just a drop in an ocean so huge its almost incomprehensible but we are making big difference to those we are able to help and for that Im grateful.

Seasons

I know that there is a season for everything under the sun and that all seasons must come to an end but lately I have been feeling that Im not quite ready for this season of my life to come to an end. How to deal with that has been a little struggle for me over the last week or two. The ship is due to leave Benin on the 8th of December and yes that is still a little while away but its getting closer and closer and I dont I like it. Its strange to think about how worried I was about coming here and yet now that I am here, Im not wanting it to end and Im not wanting to leave.


Being here has been a life changing experience for me and I know I have changed alot since I have been here, even in just the way I see and feel about things. I've learned to be grateful for some of the smaller things in life, things like some of the conversations I have with people, the friendships I've made, the people I have met, lived and worked with for the last four and a half months. Some of the friendships I have made I know will be lifelong friendships but some of these people who I have met and worked with especially my friends that I have made here in Benin I'm not sure if I will ever see them again, well on this earth anyway. That can be a little hard to comprehend at times. But in saying all that I am forever grateful that I have been allowed to have this experience and know that all good things must come to an end.

Out and about in Cotonou

What to do in Cotonou on a day off? There is certainly plenty to choose from. Be it going to one of the smaller local markets or the Dantokpa market which is one of the biggest markets in West Africa, swimming in one of the local hotel swimming pool, getting to go out with one of my translator friends or exploring this hectic city that the ship is docked in.

Going to Dantokpa market is quite the cultural experience and not really for the faint hearted. You can buy anything and everything you could possibly ever imagine needing, from cosmetics to underwear and clothing to fruit and vegetables to live goats and chickens to electronic goods like irons and blenders to any medication you could possibly imagine needing all without prescription! The sheer madness and crazyness of the market is hard to describe unless its something you experience yourself, there are thousands of people to contend with and they are all shouting out at you ''yovo yovo! I give you good price!'' The heat and the intense smells that seem to permeate the air within the market is something that is hard to put into words.

The city itself is hectic and busy like any city you might come across, it can be quite the challenge to just cross the road. Dodging a gazillion motorbikes and cars coming at you and no-one obeying road rules (Im not sure if they even know what they are) The trick is to find a local thats crossing the road at the same time and go with them, they seem to have had lots of practice at this!

Getting to go out with one of my translator friends is also a treat, not being able to speak the local language but having a translator on hand makes it so much easier to communicate with people you come across. I truely apprecitate it when I am given a small but often brief glimpse into the realities of life and living here and getting to go out and off ship with them certainly gives me that.

Living on a ship

Sometimes the fact that I live on a ship drives me a little crazy. Dont get me wrong I very much appreciate all the western creature comforts the ship provides like running hot water, flushing toilets, electricity and a starbucks cafe but the fact that I dont live in the 'real' africa sometimes gets to me. But then I wonder to myself could I really survive living out there? I'm sure if I really had to I would be able to but in all reality would I want to? Im not to sure what the answer to that is just yet.

So I live on the 3rd deck and there are 8 decks in total. We have gurkhas that man our gangway, the picture above is of me with Ganesh one of our four friendly gurkhas. The hospital is also on the 3rd deck so its just a short stroll down the corridor and Im at work for the day, no worries about traffic jams or having to get up early to travel to work! There are no windows on the 3rd deck so it must be quite strange for our patients having no natural light sometimes for up to 2 weeks! But if we can we usually take them up to deck 7 every afternoon to give them some fresh air and let them see some real daylight.

One of things I love about the ship is living in a community with 400 or so other people and all being here for the same purpose but then in saying that, it can also be one of the worse things too. Just for the reason that you can never really get away from anyone, there is always someone else around and for a girl who likes to have her own space that can be a little hard!
Sometimes you can really feel the ship swaying and other times you can hardly feel it at all. There is always some kind of noise to be heard whether the noise of the engines or the generators running or some other noise going on.

I know that if I havent been off the ship for a few days I start to feel like I need to get out and get some of that not always so fresh African air in my lungs and some of the dust on my feet just to remind myself that yes I am here in Africa and to remind myself of why I am really here. Thats the thing about being here, I think it gets in under your skin, and I know its going to be pretty hard to leave.

Some thoughts from Africa

Well I am the first to admit that I have been pretty slack at keeping everyone updated while I have been here. I wonder to myself why that is and think its maybe to do with the fact that I just dont know where to start. How do I begin to describe what I am seeing and experiencing when I find it hard to put into words myself? I know that I have changed since I have been here and I wonder how evident it will be to people when I return home.

Its hard to believe that I have been here nearly 3 months already and Im nearly halfway through. Time is flying by and I feel I still have so much I want and need to do. I have met some truely amazing people while I have been here and have made many friendships that I know will last a lifetime.

I have also seen things that have literally broken my heart. On the 31st of July we had a beautiful baby arrive on the ship to become part of our feeding program. He was 9 months old and weighed only 3kg. He had had his cleft lip repaired in April but was awating to have his palate repaired at some stage in November but before we could repair that for him he needed some fattening up. He was doing really well for about 3 weeks, gaining weight and starting to look fat and beautiful when he developed pneumonia and malaria and some other viral illness we were unable to diagnose due to our lack of resources. He ended up in the ICU with a tube to help him breath and a million other tubes coming out of his little body while he was struggling to survive. Finally on a Monday morning at around 10am his Papa said enough suffering, stop all the treatment. Everything was turned off and his Papa held him tight while he passed away in his arms. He was given his last bath put in clean clothes and his Mama put him onto her back and they walked down the gangway with their dead baby. It has to be one of the saddest things I have ever seen. The way his Mama gently put her dead baby on her back is something I will never ever forget.


Despite all the heartache and hardships and ups and downs I have had since being here I am totally content. I am content with the fact that I live in a dark cabin that has no natural light, I live with 5 other females and I sleep on a narrow bunk bed.

I really couldnt imagine being anywhere else right now.