Sixteen

I just thought you might like to know that there are currently 16 kiwi's on board at the moment and we got to have our photo taken the other day! The majority of us are nurses and all female! Where are all the kiwi males???

These Ladies

Can you imagine how it would feel to be constantly leaking urine? To become outcasted from your community? To have no one speak to you or touch you because you smell, and you leave a patch of wetness where ever you go? To have your husband leave you because apparently you must have committed some terrible sin against Allah or God to have either of them do this to you.

I cant.

I cant imagine how it must feel to have no one speak to me, to have no one touch me or to constantly feel wet from urine running down my legs, to be outed from my community. I dont want to imagine what it might be like, but for these women it is a daily reality. Their stories are all too similar. Each and every story I hear breaks my heart a little more. I was in labour for 2,3,4,5 days and the baby died. I have been leaking for 2,5,10,20 years. My husband abandoned me after the baby died and I when I started leaking. This is a disease of poverty in its worst kind. It is caused by a lack of maternal health care, a lack of understanding, and a lack of womens rights because women just aren't seen as important here.

We are just over half way through the six week block of VVF surgery on board for this outreach and for the most part the majority of women have danced, and prasied and gone home dry, including 5 of my ladies from last year Josephine, Sabine, Veronique, Rosali and Yaba. (Germaine is having surgery this week). How awesome it is to be a part of that and to be able to show them the love and affection that they have been craving and aching for for so long. But there are some that have had their surgeries and despite having one of the best fistula surgeons in the world they are still leaking. Two ladies in particular have both had 2 operations since being here and both times their surgeries have failed. They literally break my heart and I just dont understand how or why it happens. I know I can only see what is right in front of me and that God sees the whole picture but it doesnt mean I understand it any more. I'm sure Fati and Nimanbe are wondering why and questioning how could this happen as well. I know they are hurting too.

Here are a few of the pictures from the screening day I helped out with a few weeks ago.

Aren't they beautiful?

VVF Screening

The stench of stale urine has started to permeate the hospital corridors but more specifically B ward. Yes thats right, my favourite ladies are back and I couldnt be more excited! My heart is full right now, full of love for these ladies and full of hope and anticipation for their futures when they can go back to their families and to their villiages dry for the first time, sometimes after 40 or 50 years of leaking. For those of you who dont know, these ladies were the biggest reason for me wanting to come back to the ship.

We had our screeing day for them on Monday and screened nearly 70 ladies, only 4 of whom we had to say no to, either because their fistulas were too complex for us to fix or they weren't genuine fistulas. The rest are all booked in for surgery.

My job during the screening process was to take their health histories and ask some of the hard questions. Like, do you leak urine all the time? Is the bed wet when you wake up in the morning? Does urine run down your legs when you stand up? Did this start after you had a baby? How long did your labour last? Is the baby still alive or did they die? Did your husband leave you after you started leaking? Questions that are hard to ask and sometimes hard to hear the answer to.

The funniest part of my day was when one of my ladies I had screened insisted that her child see the doctor as well because they had the same problem as her, I had to hold my laughter in as I said to her Im sorry but there is no possible way that your 5 year old SON has the same problem as you and the doctor wont be able to see him! She was dissapointed understably but I told her she needed to take him to a local clinc to sort out whatever problem it was the poor boy was having.

I also got to see around 6 of the women that I had looked after last year. It was certainly bittersweet to see them again, so sweet to see them and to be able to hug them and show them love again but bitter because we do have to see them again. Josephine, Germaine, Sabine, Rosali, Veronique and Yaba. Names that will forever be etched onto my heart. Yaba who everytime she sees me says 'Beccy!' To which my reply is 'Yaba!' And we then carry on some kind of communication which consists of lots of hand actions and some vocab in her language and we finally agree on whatever the matter might be. My charades have definitly improved since being here and working with these ladies! My heart for these ladies is huge so please join with me in praying for them, praying that this time the are able to go home dry and that their hearts and souls are healed as well.

If you want to find out more about VVF I recommend you check out the movie A walk to Beautiful, you can see some of it online or check out their website

http://www.engelentertainment.com/walktobeautiful/of.html

Im famous?

Well apparently there was an article about me in one of the local papers back home, how exciting! I must say I feel a little proud and I know you are too Mum and Dad!

For those of you who havent seen it here is a link to the article, enjoy! :)

http://www.stuff.co.nz/dominion-post/local/hutt-news/3680091/Hutt-Hospital-nurse-Becky-Martin-sails-on-international-charity-ship

Afi

Forgive me.

I realise I havent written in over a month and for that I am sorry. I have no real reason or explaination to give you. Maybe a little writters block? Its not to say that I havent anything to write about I think its maybe more to do with the fact that I have had a lot of processing to do over the last few weeks and have had alot that has been on my heart that I just havent known how to share.

So I will begin with Afi.
Afi is one of the sweetest and coolest 5 year olds I have ever met, she has totally stolen my heart and she knows it. She came to us with a tumour in her mouth that was begining to obstruct her airway and had to be sent to theatre urgently to have a tracheostomy placed to allow her to breathe properly. She spent the next few weeks in the ward adjusting to breathing thru a tube in her neck and waiting for the results of the biopsy we took of her tumour. During that time of waiting for the results she contracted a nasty infection in her sputum and had to have several rounds of antibiotics to try and clear it up. After the fourth round we were finally successful and got the infection. After weeks of waiting the results came back saying it was a malignant cancer. Oh gosh. What do we do? Do we send her back home with palliative follow up? Do we attempt to take the tumour out and hope for the best?

Fortunately for Afi a head a neck specialist was due to arrive on the ship the following week so Dr Gary our resident maxilo-facial surgeon who is a very talented and humble man decided to wait for him and they would attempt to do the surgery together.

Im so grateful they did. Afi went to surgery over a week ago and is doing amazingly well, they were able to remove all of the tumour and are pretty postive that it wont return. It was news that nurse needed to hear. They removed her trach tube and she was able to breathe without any problems, she can eat properly again and be a normal 5 year old.

Awesome.

Baby Ani

Where do I start? My heart is heavy and full of hurting for Africa today.

Some of you may remember me speaking about baby Anicette while I was at home. She came to us last year in Benin for fattening up so we could repair her cleft lip, she was with us on and off for months and pretty much the whole time I was here on the ship. After lots of loving and feeding and fattening up we were able to operate and fix her broken lip. We sent her home all fat and beautiful, just how she was meant to be. This is how I remember her.

Ani came back to the ship last week. I hardly recognised her, she literally had her skin hanging off her bones, she was easily irritated and she didnt want you to touch her. She weighed only 4 kilograms at 14 months old, anybody would know thats no good. This wasnt the baby I remembered from last year, the fat, beautiful, happy, smiling baby Ani. She was world famous on the ship last year and stole the hearts of all those she met and we were all excited to see her again when she was due to come back to have her palate repaired. What happened? I asked her Mama when I first saw her, I dunno? She replied to me in her broken english, looking broken herself.

Yesterday Ani left us, she went home to heaven. Sometimes this place can just be too much for my heart to bear, it hurts and I want to know why? How could this happen? Words like chronic malnutrition, and a possible underlying metobolic disorder that we hadnt diagnosed were thrown around. Words that arent all that uncommon on this continent. It just brings it back to me that where you are born impacts on your circumstances. Why was I priviledged enough to be born into a loving family, in a country where chronic malnourishment is something that is barely spoken about? Where we can treat and diagnose diseases so easily? I know that I have been blessed so that I can bless others and I know that someone far greater than me is in control of all of this but it doesnt mean that it hurts any less. Sometimes I just dont understand. We had put so much of our hearts and souls and hope into baby Ani. It just wasn't meant to end like this.

Please pray for her family as they grieve for baby Ani.

D Ward

Since I have been back on the ship I have been mainly working in D ward. Generally this is where all the max fac's patients are. For those of you who dont know what max fac's is its maxillofacial surgeries so people who have the massive tumours protruding from their faces or the kiddies and sometimes adults who have cleft lips and palates.
Last year when I was here I could count the number of times I worked in D ward on one hand, for some reason I was just put in the other wards with all the general surgeries, plastics surgeries and of course with my all time favourites the VVF ladies. (Who are coming back at the end of May, Hooray!!)

So despite the fact I hardly worked in D ward last year I must say that I do quite like it down there. I love the nursing I am able to do here and how it is just so different from home. I love how these people really know how to live in community, and the way they relate to each other, they have so much to teach us. If someone in the ward has a problem then that problem becomes the whole wards problem, everyone gets involved. Like when Jean's Mama was tired and needed a break from looking after him, little Afi's Mama from bed 12 would strap Jean onto her back just so his Mama could have a break and rest or take a shower. Little Jean had come in to have his lip and palate repaired, he was 18 months old, had cerebal palsy and he had a twin brother Jaque at home who was staying with his Papa. His Mama was so devoted to him and I loved watching the way she just loved all over him and sung songs to him in Ewe and how he would respond to her with his smiles and gurgles. Oh it made my heart smile. I just think it might be a little hard going back to working in a ward at home.

A little adjusting

I have been back less than a week and Im slowly starting to settle back in. I think it has been a little harder than I expected. I think there was a part of me that just expected to slip back into where I left, instead I have felt a little lost and have been trying to find my place here again. I have had a couple of days when I have felt quite overwhelmed at the amount of new people that are around and just trying to adjust to being back here. Im sure it hasnt been helped by the jetlag and not sleeping properly.

I have had a few shifts back on the wards and that has helped to remind me of why I am back here. I was able to sit with one of my patients the other day and colour in with her and speak some of the small small Fon that I learnt last year in Benin (she has come to us from Benin and Fon is one of the 52 languages spoken there). She had me laughing so hard when I was trying to teach her how to count in english, she was copying the way I was pronouncing it and she started to sound like she was a New Zealander the way she was pronouncing it. Its the small things like that, sitting with her and trying to speak Fon, colouring in in a colouring in book and teaching her how to count in english that make me realise how blessed I am to be here and why I love it here so much. Where else can you go to work and sit and colour in with one of your patients?

I got to go out and off the ship the other night for a drink with a few friends. It was great to get out and see a little of Lomé. The main city centre is about an hours walk away or a 15 minute taxi ride, they dont seem to have as many zemijands (motorbike taxi's) here as they did in Benin so I think it might be a little harder to get around here. In the short distance we walked I was able to experience lots of the things I love about Africa. Like the African Mama's walking along with their babes strapped to their backs and all sorts of goodies for sale upon their heads. I got a little of that african dirt on my feet too. Oh it was great and I am glad to be back.

Im back

After around 32 hours of flying half way round the world and around another 10 hours of waiting in between at various airports I made it to Togo! What a long and tiring journey! I dont think I would ever choose to fly straight through like that again. It was great to meet up with my friend Maggie and have a travelling companion for the last few legs of the journey.

Its good to be back and to see some familiar faces again but then there is also a bazillion new faces that are around as well. Its been a little overwhelming the last couple of days trying to readjust to that as in some ways it feels like I never left and I keep walking around seeing all these new faces thinking what are you doing in my house?? Im sure its not really helped by the jetlag and not sleeping properly yet either. It might just take a little longer to adjust to than I thought.

The port is different as well, I keep looking outside expecting to see the same port as last year but its not. This port seems much busier than Benin. On one side there is the Togolese Navy which consists of 2 rather small ships and maybe a few speed boats? On the other is the main port, I havent been out to explore it too much yet as we have been without shore leave since I arrived due to the Togo elections last week and the risk of unrest. Hopefully we will be able to get out by the weekend so I can go out and get my head around being in this new city.

I start back in the wards on Tuesday, Im looking forward to getting back into it and being a nurse again and also getting to love on some all too cute african babies.

Gratitude

I had my coffee and dessert evening last night and I have to say I am totally overwhelmed and humbled by the support and encouragement that was shown to me.
I raised far more than I ever expected and I just want to say a huge thank you to the person who anonymously donated to me over and above anything I could have ever asked for. WOW. You made me cry. I am in awe of your servants heart. What more can I say than thank you? I pray that God blesses you just as abundantly as you have blessed me.

I feel so priviledged to be able to use my nursing skills in such a unique way and to be a part of an organisation that enables me to do that.

4 sleeps left in my own bed.... The coutdown is certainly on.

Quick facts about Togo

Togo is ranked as one of the poorest nations in the world, its ranked by the human development index at 159 out of 182. Access to health care is inadequate, the under five mortality rate is 140 out of 1000 babies born. Life expectancy is only 58.

Capital
Lome
Area
56,785km2
Population
5,285,501
Language
French, Ewe, Mina, Kabye, Dagomba (plus many more)
Currency
CFA
Government
Currently in the election process
Religion
Indigenous beliefs 51%, Christian 29%, Muslim 20%.

If you read my last post you'll know I cant wait to get there. I leave home in a week today!

I cant wait

I leave in two weeks today. With much less apprehension in my heart and far more peace than the last time I was heading off to Africa and off to the unknown. Because this time I know this is where I am meant to be, not that I didnt know that last time but there was all the 'unknown' that went along with leaving.

You wouldnt believe how excited I am to be going back. I just cant wait. I cant wait to feel the heat of the african sun beating down on my face, to get some of that african dirt on my feet and breathe in that not so fresh african air, to feel the sweat dripping down my back, (well maybe I can wait for that). I cant wait to see those african Mama's walking along the street with their babes strapped tightly to their backs with brightly coloured strips of fabric carrying all sorts of wares for sale upon their heads, to feel the weight of one of those babes in my arms, to step out into the chaos of an african city and soak up all the sights, sounds and smells that my poor senses can take in and that I know I will be assulted with once I step off that plane and back onto african soil.
Oh I cant wait.
I cant wait to see what is in store for this new outreach, the new patients that are going to step onto that big white ship and walk back out with not only physical healing but also emotional and spirtual healing. The ship is docked in Lome Togo this year and Im sure the need there is just as great as it was last year in Benin.

I fly out on the 4th of March and head to London where I get to meet up with my awesome friend Maggie who I met on the ship last year and who is also returning to the ship. We have a night in London and then we fly on down to Togo together.
Oh I just cant wait.

On a sidenote I am having another coffee and dessert fundraising evening on the 27th of February at my church 51 Lane Street Upper Hutt 7pm onwards, $15 for singles $25 for couples, I would love it for you to come and hear all about what I have been up to over the last 7 months and see more of what I will be up to once I get back.

Home...

So I'm back home. I'm excited to be back but I must say it feels a little strange, almost like I never left, but I know I did leave and that I changed alot during my time away.

So the things I missed the most other than my family and friends?
Having the freedom to just hop in my car and go for a drive
Fresh cold milk
Poached eggs on toast
New Zealand chocolate
My queen sized bed
Hanging my washing outside on the line to dry
Showers longer than 2 minutes!
Waking up to natural light in my bedroom

So while I missed all these things while I was away and I am enjoying having them back while I am home I learned to live quite happily without them while I was on the ship. I think the biggest lesson I learned while away was to be content whatever the circumstances. I was content living in a dark cabin with no windows, sleeping on a narrow bunk bed and sharing my living quaters with 5 other females. I was content while I was there and have never had such a peace about something like I felt while I was there. I knew it was where I was meant to be which makes it a little hard being back home.
But... For those of you who dont know, I'm heading back. Back to where I felt utter contentment and where my heart was filled with so much peace and joy. And I'm excited about that.

Sailing Day

Today is the day we sail. After spending the last week and a half double bleaching everything in sight in the hospital and packing and tying everything down we are ready to go.

Walking along the hospital corridors feels a little strange now, no patients around, no singing or dancing or children running along the corridors or any general noise, just silence. Its a surreal feeling seeing everything packed up and not having patients there.

My job during the sail is to scan all of the patients notes, all 10 months worth. Thankfully Im not doing this alone and alot of them have already been scanned. Once they have all been scanned onto the computer they are then incinerated. I think it may become a little mundane after a while but in some respects its kind of nice having a job that I dont have to think to much about and I think it also might be kinda cool to come across patients files that I remember looking after and just be able to send up a little prayer for them.

Because we are leaving today my heart feels a little heavy, heavy for selfish reasons tho because Im leaving behind so many people that have really touched me while I have been here, friendships that I have made and so many thousands of patients that have passed thru the hospital that have left an impression on me. I feel like Im leaving a piece of myself behind in Benin.

Over 6000 operations were performed onboard over the last 10 months and Im so excited, grateful and a little proud to have been apart of that, so many lives have been transformed because of the work that has been done here.

So on we sail to Tenerife. After 10 days of sailing I will spend 2 days in Tenerife before heading back to England to spend a few weeks and christmas with family there and then heading back home to NZ on the 12th of Jan! I must say its been a long but certainly awesome 6 and a half months with lots of ups and downs but I would give anything to do it all over again.

Oh Africa, the end of the outreach

So all the surgeries for the year have finished and we have started to pack up some of the wards in preparation for the sail. We still have one ward open until the end of next week and any patients we have remaining will be sent to local hospitals until they are able to be sent home. We still have two VVF ladies in the ward both who had wounds that broke down post their surgeries but they are doing alot better now altho they will both probably have to be sent to a local hospital. My sweet friend Agath was sent home still leaking, it breaks my heart that we were unable to send her home dry this time. She has been reffered to Togo so I can only hope and pray that she becomes healed while she is there.

Im not sure how I feel about the outreach coming to an end because I have this overwhelming sense that my work here is not done. I go out off the ship and into town and have an aching in my heart that I just cant leave here. I recently came across a website that was talking about how they need Africa more than Africa needs them the following is an excerpt from it and it explains exactly how I feel about being here with the words that I was unable to find.

When I think of Africa, the following images immediately come to mind: Starvation. AIDS. Child soldiers. Genocide. Sex slaves. Orphans. From there, my thoughts naturally turn to how I can help, how I can make a difference. "I am needed here," I think. "They have so little, and I have so much." It's true, there are great tragedies playing out in Africa everyday. There is often a level of suffering here that is unimaginable until you have seen it, and even then it is difficult to believe. But what is even harder is reconciling the challenges that many Africans face with the joy I see in those same people. It's a joy that comes from somewhere I cannot fathom, not within the framework that has been my life to this day.

The images spilling out of my television showed circumstances that could seemingly only equal misery, and I was fooled. I bought into the lie that circumstance defines happiness. The truth is, in Africa I find hearts full of victory, indomitable spirits. In places where despair should thrive, instead I find adults dancing and singing, and children playing soccer with a ball crafted of tied up trash. Instead of payback, I find grace. Here, weekend getaways are not options to provide relief from the pains of daily life. Relationships and faith provide joy. Love is sovereign.

My new reality… I know now that my joy should have no regard for my circumstances. I'm ashamed by my lack of faith, but at the very same moment I am excited by my new pursuit. I'm forced to redefine the meaning of having much or having little. I'm uneasy with the prospect of change and of letting go, but just the thought of freedom is liberating. I want what I have learned to trickle down from my head into my heart - I no longer want to need the "next thing" to have joy.

I'm not saying that Africa does not need our efforts. It absolutely does need our partnership. But for me, I've come to understand that I NEED AFRICA MORE THAN AFRICA NEEDS ME. Why? Because it is Africa that has taught me that possessions in my hands will never be as valuable as peace in my heart. I've learned that I don't need what I have and that I have what I need. These are just a few of this continent's many lessons. I came here to serve and yet I've found that I have so much to learn, and Africa, with all its need, has much to teach me.

If you want to read more then you can check out

https://www.mochaclub.org/i-need-africa

VVF Ladies Return!

The VVF ladies have returned and its making my heart smile! I love these ladies like nothing else. We had a screening day last week and saw over 30 ladies, some were ladies that we had sent home still leaking from earlier on in the outreach but many of them were new arrivals. It was bittersweet to see some of them return.

We have the space to perform 20 operations over two weeks, and Im sure its going to be an emotional roller coaster of highs and lows. Highs when they are able to go home dry and we can sing and dance for joy with them and lows when they leave here still leaking.

One patient I looked after when she was here earlier on in the outreach has returned, her name is Agath and she is only 21, she has lived with this fistula for nearly 6 years. She was 16 when she became pregnant to her then husband (he has since desserted her) leaving her alone and feeling rejected. She left here last time still leaking and has returned for us to have another attempt at repairing the hole in her bladder. I was so excited to see her again when she turned up at the screening, I walked into the ward and I heard this voice full of excitement say 'Beccy!' I ran over to her and gave her the biggest hug and told her that I was so happy to see her again and said that this time I pray that we will send you home dry. Sadly since her operation she has been leaking. It breaks my heart that we may end up sending her home again still leaking. She is only 21 and still has her whole life ahead of her. We have told her we will not give up but I know that she is heart broken too. For those of you who are praying please pray that Agath goes home dry this time.

The World Health Organization has estimated that approximately 2 million women worldwide have untreated VVF and that approximately 100,000 women develop VVF each year. What we do here on the ship is literally just a drop in an ocean so huge its almost incomprehensible but we are making big difference to those we are able to help and for that Im grateful.

Seasons

I know that there is a season for everything under the sun and that all seasons must come to an end but lately I have been feeling that Im not quite ready for this season of my life to come to an end. How to deal with that has been a little struggle for me over the last week or two. The ship is due to leave Benin on the 8th of December and yes that is still a little while away but its getting closer and closer and I dont I like it. Its strange to think about how worried I was about coming here and yet now that I am here, Im not wanting it to end and Im not wanting to leave.


Being here has been a life changing experience for me and I know I have changed alot since I have been here, even in just the way I see and feel about things. I've learned to be grateful for some of the smaller things in life, things like some of the conversations I have with people, the friendships I've made, the people I have met, lived and worked with for the last four and a half months. Some of the friendships I have made I know will be lifelong friendships but some of these people who I have met and worked with especially my friends that I have made here in Benin I'm not sure if I will ever see them again, well on this earth anyway. That can be a little hard to comprehend at times. But in saying all that I am forever grateful that I have been allowed to have this experience and know that all good things must come to an end.

Out and about in Cotonou

What to do in Cotonou on a day off? There is certainly plenty to choose from. Be it going to one of the smaller local markets or the Dantokpa market which is one of the biggest markets in West Africa, swimming in one of the local hotel swimming pool, getting to go out with one of my translator friends or exploring this hectic city that the ship is docked in.

Going to Dantokpa market is quite the cultural experience and not really for the faint hearted. You can buy anything and everything you could possibly ever imagine needing, from cosmetics to underwear and clothing to fruit and vegetables to live goats and chickens to electronic goods like irons and blenders to any medication you could possibly imagine needing all without prescription! The sheer madness and crazyness of the market is hard to describe unless its something you experience yourself, there are thousands of people to contend with and they are all shouting out at you ''yovo yovo! I give you good price!'' The heat and the intense smells that seem to permeate the air within the market is something that is hard to put into words.

The city itself is hectic and busy like any city you might come across, it can be quite the challenge to just cross the road. Dodging a gazillion motorbikes and cars coming at you and no-one obeying road rules (Im not sure if they even know what they are) The trick is to find a local thats crossing the road at the same time and go with them, they seem to have had lots of practice at this!

Getting to go out with one of my translator friends is also a treat, not being able to speak the local language but having a translator on hand makes it so much easier to communicate with people you come across. I truely apprecitate it when I am given a small but often brief glimpse into the realities of life and living here and getting to go out and off ship with them certainly gives me that.

Living on a ship

Sometimes the fact that I live on a ship drives me a little crazy. Dont get me wrong I very much appreciate all the western creature comforts the ship provides like running hot water, flushing toilets, electricity and a starbucks cafe but the fact that I dont live in the 'real' africa sometimes gets to me. But then I wonder to myself could I really survive living out there? I'm sure if I really had to I would be able to but in all reality would I want to? Im not to sure what the answer to that is just yet.

So I live on the 3rd deck and there are 8 decks in total. We have gurkhas that man our gangway, the picture above is of me with Ganesh one of our four friendly gurkhas. The hospital is also on the 3rd deck so its just a short stroll down the corridor and Im at work for the day, no worries about traffic jams or having to get up early to travel to work! There are no windows on the 3rd deck so it must be quite strange for our patients having no natural light sometimes for up to 2 weeks! But if we can we usually take them up to deck 7 every afternoon to give them some fresh air and let them see some real daylight.

One of things I love about the ship is living in a community with 400 or so other people and all being here for the same purpose but then in saying that, it can also be one of the worse things too. Just for the reason that you can never really get away from anyone, there is always someone else around and for a girl who likes to have her own space that can be a little hard!
Sometimes you can really feel the ship swaying and other times you can hardly feel it at all. There is always some kind of noise to be heard whether the noise of the engines or the generators running or some other noise going on.

I know that if I havent been off the ship for a few days I start to feel like I need to get out and get some of that not always so fresh African air in my lungs and some of the dust on my feet just to remind myself that yes I am here in Africa and to remind myself of why I am really here. Thats the thing about being here, I think it gets in under your skin, and I know its going to be pretty hard to leave.

Some thoughts from Africa

Well I am the first to admit that I have been pretty slack at keeping everyone updated while I have been here. I wonder to myself why that is and think its maybe to do with the fact that I just dont know where to start. How do I begin to describe what I am seeing and experiencing when I find it hard to put into words myself? I know that I have changed since I have been here and I wonder how evident it will be to people when I return home.

Its hard to believe that I have been here nearly 3 months already and Im nearly halfway through. Time is flying by and I feel I still have so much I want and need to do. I have met some truely amazing people while I have been here and have made many friendships that I know will last a lifetime.

I have also seen things that have literally broken my heart. On the 31st of July we had a beautiful baby arrive on the ship to become part of our feeding program. He was 9 months old and weighed only 3kg. He had had his cleft lip repaired in April but was awating to have his palate repaired at some stage in November but before we could repair that for him he needed some fattening up. He was doing really well for about 3 weeks, gaining weight and starting to look fat and beautiful when he developed pneumonia and malaria and some other viral illness we were unable to diagnose due to our lack of resources. He ended up in the ICU with a tube to help him breath and a million other tubes coming out of his little body while he was struggling to survive. Finally on a Monday morning at around 10am his Papa said enough suffering, stop all the treatment. Everything was turned off and his Papa held him tight while he passed away in his arms. He was given his last bath put in clean clothes and his Mama put him onto her back and they walked down the gangway with their dead baby. It has to be one of the saddest things I have ever seen. The way his Mama gently put her dead baby on her back is something I will never ever forget.


Despite all the heartache and hardships and ups and downs I have had since being here I am totally content. I am content with the fact that I live in a dark cabin that has no natural light, I live with 5 other females and I sleep on a narrow bunk bed.

I really couldnt imagine being anywhere else right now.